| In Loving Memory of Christopher Michael Toth - February 2, 1989 | ||||||||||||||||||||
| Christopher's Short Life | Information about CDH and CHERUBS | |||||||||||||||||||
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I struggled daily with his death and to find out anything that I could about this horrible birth defect that stole my child from me. It took me 9� long, lonely. agonizing and struggling years before I found the most remarkable support group: CHERUBS - The Association of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Research, Advocacy and Support (link below). This wonderful group of people have become my lifeline! I am so proud to be a member of this group of loving and caring people. If you have a child that was born with CDH or would like to find out more information about this birth defect or CHERUBS, please go to the web site listed in the link below. You won't be sorry that you did! I know that one day I will meet up with Christopher again in Heaven and will have eternity to spend with him! How I wait for the day that I can see Christopher whole, healthy and happy! But until that day comes, I am here to help any parent who is dealing with CDH or with their child's death. I'd like to share some poems that have been shared with me that have helped me. I only hope they will help you also! Sunday, December 12, 1999 is National Children's Memorial Day. Candles will be lit around the world in memory of all children who are now in Heaven starting at 7 pm in New Zealand and continue to be lit in each country as the 7 pm hour occurs. Please feel free to participate in remembrance of all children who are now in God's loving arms. Please feel free to email me at: [email protected] God Bless! | ||||||||||||||||||||
| Inspirational Poems and Songs | ||||||||||||||||||||
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EVERYTHING I DO, I DO IT FOR YOU by Bryan Adams (Song playing in background) Look into my eyes - you will see What you mean to me Search your heart - search your soul And when you find me there you'll search no more Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for You know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you Look into my heart - you will find There's nothin' there to hide Take me as I am - take my life I would give it all - I would sacrifice Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you There's no love - like your love And no other - could give more love There's nowhere - unless you're there All the time - all the way Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more I would fight for you - I'd lie for you Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN If tears could build a stairway, And memories were a lane, I would walk right up to heaven To bring you home again. No farewell words were spoken, No time to say goodbye, You were gone before I knew it, And only God knows why. My heart still aches in sadness, And secret tears still flow. What it meant to lose you, Only I will ever know. INSIDE HEAVEN'S DOOR If I should go before you, If life on earth were through; I'll stop just inside Heaven's door, And there I'll wait for you. You've but to look 'cross star filled skies, Past the moon and then beyond; To know my leaving could never break, This heart's undying bond. And if you should go before me, If your journey on earth were through; You know I will be close behind, I'll never be far from you. Across the span of time and space, This love will reach this far; For you'll always carry a bit of my heart, No matter where you are. We've no way of knowing who will remain, Or who will go on before; But if I should go first, you'll find love there, I'll be waiting just inside Heaven's Door DEAR MOMMY When you wonder the meaning of life and love Know that I am with you Close your eyes and feel me kissing you In the gentle breeze across your cheek When you begin to doubt that you shall ever see me again Quiet your mind hear me I am in the whisper of the heavens Speaking of your love When you lose your identity When you question who you are and where you are going Open your heart and see me I am the twinkle in the stars smiling down upon you Lighting the path for your journey When you awaken each morning not remembering your dreams But feeling content and serene Know that I was with you Filling your nights with thoughts of me When you linger in the remnant pain Wholeness seeming so unfamiliar Think of me Know that I am with you Touching you through shared tears of a gentle friend Easing the pain As the sunrise illuminates the desert sky In that breathtaking brilliance, awaken your spirit Think of our time together, all too brief, but ever brilliant When you were certain of us together When you were certain of your destiny Know that God created that moment in time Just for us I am with you always! MY ANGEL IN HEAVEN We may no longer be together, As you're not here with me anymore. But I still feel you deep in my heart, Just the same as it was before. For I could never forget my love, Or my beautiful memories of you. And I know that even in Heaven, You still recall those memories too. When I gaze up at Heaven to you, And you look down on me. Our smiles light up the whole sky, For all of Heaven and Earth to see. Our love will always live on, As our souls will forever be connected. God made our cherished souls immortal, So our love for each other, would be protected. Knowing that you are at peace, Brings comfort to my sad heart. And I know God will take care of you, Now that we are apart. Until we are together again, And sharing our heavenly home. I will always have my Angel in Heaven, Smiling down on me, and never be alone. WHY MOTHERS CRY "Why are you crying?" he asked his mom. "Because I'm a mother," she told him. "I don't understand," he said. His mom just hugged him and said, "You never will!" Later the little boy asked his father why Mother seemed to cry for no reason. "All mothers cry for no reason," was all his dad could say. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why mothers cry. So he finally put in a call to God and when God got on the phone the man said, "God, why do mothers cry so easily." God said, "You see son, when I made mothers they had to be special. I made their shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave them an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times come from their children. "I gave them a hardiness that allows them to keep going when everyone else gives up, and to take care of their families through sickness and fatigue without complaining. "I gave them the sensitivity to love their children under all circumstances, even when their child has hurt them very badly. This same sensitivity helps them to make a child's boo-boo feel better and helps them share a teenager's anxieties and fears. "I gave them a tear to shed. It's theirs exclusively to use whenever it's needed. It's their only weakness. It's a tear for mankind." DO NOT STAND AT MY GRAVE AND WEEP Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on the snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumns rain. When you awaken in the mornings hush, I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft star that shines at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, for I am not there, I did not die. HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD A meeting was held quite far from earth "It's time again for another birth," Said the angels to the Lord above, "This special child will need much love." His progress may seem very slow Accomplishments he may not show. And he'll require extra care From the folks he meets way down there. He may not run or laugh or play His thoughts may seem quite far away. In many ways, he won't adapt And he'll be known as handicapped. So let us be careful where he's sent We want this life to be content. Please Lord, find parents who, Will do a special job for you. They will not realize right away The leading role they're asked to play. But with this child sent from above Comes stronger faith and richer love. And soon they'll know the privilege given In caring for this gift from heaven. Their precious charge, so meek and mild Is Heaven's Very Special Child. I'M FREE Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free, I'm following the path God has laid you see. I took His hand when I heard Him call, I turned my back and left it all. I could not stay another day, To laugh, to love, to work, to play. Tasks left undone must stay that way, I found that peace at the close of day. If my parting has left a void, Then fill it with remembered joys A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss, Oh, yes, these things I too will miss. Be not burdened with times of sorrow, I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow. My life's been full, I've savored much, Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch. Perhaps my time seemed all too brief, Don't lengthen it now with undue grief. Lift up your hearts and peace to thee, God wanted me now, He set me free. MY LITTLE SWEETIE PIE Mommy, I came to Jesus today. He sent an angel who flew me away. While I lay sleeping, he whispered to me; Come little Christopher, He's waiting for thee. There was no pain Mommy, there was no fear. Just the presence of Jesus, close and so near. And now you would hardly recognize me, I've been given a perfect new body. My arms are so strong, my legs are so straight, I run fast and jump, and Mommy, it's great. I played all day and I sat on Christ's lap, And he told me here I won't have to take naps! But Mommy, dear Mommy, I stopped playing awhile, For in the midst of my joy, I heard you cry. So I'm sending this message to say I'm just fine Mommy, I'm really okay. When on this earth, I could not speak, So my words of love I had to keep. But I was given a voice today - And praise the Lord is all I can say, So Mommy, sweet Mommy, don't cry anymore. This is the day I've been waiting for. FLY Fly, fly little wing Fly beyond imagining The softest cloud, the whitest dove Upon the wind of heaven's love Past the planets and the stars Leave this lonely world of ours Escape the sorrow and the pain And fly again Fly, fly precious one Your endless journey has begun Take your gentle happiness Far too beautiful for this Cross over to the other shore There is peace forevermore But hold this mem'ry bittersweet Until we meet Fly, fly do not fear Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear Your heart is pure, your soul is free Be on your way, don't wait for me Above the universe you'll climb On beyond the hands of time The moon will rise, the sun will set But I won't forget Fly, fly little wing Fly where only angels sing Fly away, the time is right Go now, find the light (Copyright. Celine Dion Records) FOR ALL PARENTS I'll lend you for a little time, a child of mine, He said. For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he is dead. It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three. But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me? He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief, You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief. I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return, But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn. I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true And from the throngs that crows life's lanes, I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain, Nor hate me when I come to call, to take him back again? I fancied that I heard them say, Dear Lord, Thy will be done. For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may; And for the happiness we've known, will ever grateful stay. But shall the angels call for him much sooner than we planned, We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand. THE ROSEBUD When God calls little children to dwell with Him above. We mortals sometimes question the wisdom of His love. For no heartache compares with the death of one small child. Who does so much to make our world seem wonderful and mild. Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to His fold. So He picks a rosebud before it can grow old. God knows how much we need them, and so He takes but few. To make the land of heaven more beautiful to view. Believing this is difficult still somehow we must try. The saddest word mankind knows will always be "Goodbye." So when a little child departs we who are left behind. Must realize God loves children Angels are hard to find. A LETTER TO MOMMY Dear Mommy, I just wanted to let you know that I made it home. The journey wasn't an easy one, but it didn't take too long. Everything is so pretty here, so white, so fresh and new. I wish that you could close your eyes and that you could see it too. Please try not to be sad for me. Try to understand. God is taking care of me...I'm in the shelter of His hands. Here there is no sadness, no sorrow and no pain. Here there is no crying and I'll never hurt again. Here it is so peaceful when all the angels sing. I really have to go for now--I've just got to try my wings. GOD'S LITTLE BOY Mommy and Daddy, Please don't be so sad, I miss you so much too. It's beautiful here where I am, But I worry a lot about you. I sleep with angels watching me, there's only love up here... I'm never lonely or afraid 'cause God's so very near. I walk with Jesus every day, He's very kind and sweet. Don't worry mom and dad, He holds my hand When we cross a golden street. I never cry or hurt myself, I see Grandpa every day... I play and laugh and sing alot and I hear you when you pray. Please mommy and daddy, Don't be mad at God You see, He loves me, too. And, even though you're not with me I'm really still with you. DIDN'T WE ALMOST HAVE IT ALL by Whitney Houston Remember when we held on in the rain The nights we almost lost it once again We can take the night into tomorrow Living on feelings Touching you I feel it all again Didn't we almost have it all When love was all we had worth giving The ride with you was worth the fall, my son Loving you makes life worth living Didn't we almost have it all The nights we held on till the morning You know you'll never love that way again Didn't we almost have it all The way you used to touch me felt so fine We kept our hearts together down the line A moment in the soul can last forever Comfort and keep us Help me bring the feeling back again Didn't we almost have it all When love was all we had worth giving The ride with you was worth the fall, my son Loving you makes life worth living Didn't we almost have it all The night we held on till the morning You know you'll never love that way again Didn't we almost have it all Didn't we have the best of times When love was young and new Couldn't we reach inside and find The world of me and you We'll never lose it again Cause once you know what love is You never let it end Didn't we almost have it all When love was all we had worth giving The ride with you was worth the fall, my son Loving you makes life worth living Didn't we almost have it all The nights we held on till the morning You know you'll never love that way again Didn't we almost have it all | ||||||||||||||||||||
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